Well, we all know the answer to that. Lately it’s been harder and, to be honest, I really don’t understand. Sure, we get old and people change for one reason or another, but overall I just don’t get it. Maybe I never will. And honestly, I’m not okay with that.
And in truth, I really don’t want to be okay with it. I want to be wildly engaged in life. I want to do things, see thing, love life and relish every minute. Is that so hard? I really, really, don’t think that’s too hard for any of us.
It comes along with all those things we’ve always wanted to do with our lives — DO THEM.
It comes along with good days and bad — make it work for now and then make it better.
It comes with love. Real love — the smile you see on the face of everyone you pass.
I can do that.
I want to chat with my girlfriends weekly and make fabulous plans that may or may not come true, and that’s still okay.
I want to try everything, and I’m okay even if I don’t like it after all.
I want to be able to say what I mean — and have someone understand. And care.
This piece was made completely with mosaic glass in various shapes, colors, and sizes. The goal was to create my version of a Colorado Sunrise, including rocky land and tumbling stones.
So far I’ve made it through hauling Christmas regalia out of the attic, hanging stockings, and standing by with a ready hand while my husband lifted and settled the tree. We have dinner plans — scratch that — we haddinner plans, but then the bottom fell loose and now I have no idea what the rest of the day holds. And I’m okay with that. Really. When you see your brother once a year, you smile, hug, and take what you can get.
And what’s change really? Life is never set in stone. N E V E R. I learned that lesson at the age of four.
So I pulled out my attic stash, rounded up the pink twinkle lights that keep me happy and sane, and dove in. And yeah, it took hours, even with our small four and a half foot tree. Because, well, you know. We all know, and it just ain’t easy. One side of the living room window is a bit smashed across the glass, and once I limb the ladder, I can’t really lean in far enough to extend the lights from one end to another. I’ve been doing this for years and always took the time to make it perfect. Now I’m just happy to see the lights at all. “I grow old, I grow old … I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled ….” Oops, sorry to run off course.
When I was growing up, we always kept Christmas a secret. I was in my early twenties, my sister 3 years younger, and my brother quite a bit younger when the three of us walked into the living room together — my sister and I in tights and a top and my brother — ever the creator — walked in fully dressed in his own handmade Santa suit. Yes, I said Handmade Santa Suit.
I’ll never forget the awe of it, and I’ll never forget how much we can accomplish if we take a bit of time to drop the everyday and and add a bit of creativity. .
P.S. Apparently Jingle Bells was never intended to be a Christmas song, but hey, it sure worked.
Some say the purest death is to be ravaged alive by beasts — a final communion with creation and instinct. I could give myself to the lions as red men gave their flesh with joy to birds of prey, a feast laid high on offering altars of pine, their bodies rising bite by bite to fill the mouth and longing arms of god. And if I should die on African soil at the pawing of tigers or men, I pray the ants will piggyback my sun-pressed crumbs across each undulation of the ancient and bare breasted earth and leave me soul to soil, to nurse the hungry wild and mingle with the stars.
I sang all day in the dirt. Peat, sawed up wood, manure, and what once took the shape of leaves come happily together in my hands.
Good dirt smells. First like the parts put in, and rather less than pleasant as you might expect — and then all excited like a promise. Earthworms writhe, excited and aware. They know full-out what’s to come: the breaking down of life into blackness — and then rebirth.
Whoever thought beauty could burst from a handful of chicken shit???
We are so much more than we know, simply because we don’t take the time to see.
The summer is losing its steam, and you begin to warm and grow large in me again.
Just today I passed too silently behind you, and your body grew in greeting leaps both left and right until I doubted I could make my way beyond without a full submission to your hands — so present, and so full of opportunities to touch,
You are the plank. You are an even-hewn and sanded length that reaches end to end, your hand upon my temperamental arc. You are diameter aimed clean into the heart of me. I turn as on a spit of steel (your steel) except that I am flame and meat at once the same. You are the planet firm in heaven’s sea, and I the tempest-tossing test of earth’s humanity. You are the moon. I am the tides that pout and turn and then return in love’s remembered ache. You are the balance and I am the dance.
Don’t ask me why, but something popped into my head rather suddenly over the past month. And because our time on earth gets shorter by the day, I jumped on it. I’d love for you to jump in too.
I chose the name above because I want it to encompass the world. It won’t, of course, but that can still be my goal.
P.S. You do not need to be a woman to support women.
Details: My plan is to bring women of all ages, sizes, ethnicities and dreamers together. It seems to me that our lives as women are changing daily, and certainly our options are changing already. I won’t fixate on politics because I’ve never been that girl — though I’m beginning to realize that maybe I should be. We definitely have power, but can we control what’s going on now? — or what’s ahead?
What I do know is that we can always stand for peace and right.
Toward that end I hope to share these messages across the globe. And guess what — after one email blast and a couple of days, we already have women signed up from sea to sea in the the US, as well as multiple countries beyond. We need to use our strength. We need to be the women we are without keeping quiet. But most of all, we need to support and learn from each other. Nobody’s going to do this for us — especially now.
So far I’m mostly self-funding this women’s project because that’s my option, and that’s how much I want to bring us together. But as women, we’re inevitably strong, and our fierceness will get us farther into the future than we know.
So here’s what we need: Contact with each other; Appreciation for each other; Sharing with each other; Understanding and supporting each other as much as we can. And then movement: Saying yes, laughing together, brainstorming together, supporting each other. And yes, changing the world, even when it seems like what we do is the tiniest offering. We’re so much stronger than we know.
A Plan: We ALL need a plan, and so far we’re amazingly in sync. I’m good with a plan — I can do that — BUT I can also learn even more if I’m talking and brainstorming with others. Through this project, that’s exactly what we’re doing, no matter how closely or far apart we live, no matter our ethnicities, our shyness, or our uncertainties, we’re already doing it. It’s a pretty good start, and the most exciting part is that 99% of these women volunteered on the own.
Help We Can Use: Cutting templates from fiberglass mesh (perfect for you if you love cutting perfect 6-inch circles); mailing fiberglass mesh templates, talking up the project.
Mailing Templets: The cost to mail three 6″ circular fiberglass templates is variable but quite small across the US. Beyond the US, we’re currently working with women from Australia, Ireland, France, Italy, and Puerto Rico. I’d like to be able to help with the cost of mailing overseas.
Taking Part: If you’re interested, text me. We’ll be delighted to have you involved!
Sam has a touch of fire. When we got to be almost friends he would put his hand on my shoulder when it was time to leaves the parties we both went to and he said goodbye.
He would come up behind me and there would be the hand, and I would know it was Sam without even turning because his touch was fire.
One night I went to a party and I wore a sundress with no back. When it was time I thought he won’t touch me now. not tonight.
But then we were leaving and there was the hand again, On my bare shoulder this time and it was fire.
Night after night always the same, and when the hand came without stopping I was hard pressed to look him full-on when I said goodnight, knowing the eyes would be there, And I couldn’t tell yet what they were saying.
So I mumbled low at the floor, not wanting to leave until I knew, but needing the cool night air and the dark ride home to keep his touch from showing plain.
When he called to say he’d be home early, an hour away at most, she hurriedly grabbed the signs of her weekend with passion: the voluptuously hot-colored glass, (a spontaneous deviation from her usual blues), the achingly sharp tools … the milky white adhesives, the markers (you are MINE!), the ubiquitous remnants of joy left strewn across the table, the chairs, the floors, her clothes… the Tears for Fears, the Prince, the Elton.
Closet closed now, the sweep of the vacuum, the stash of memories now buttoned up, but only a wisp away from tomorrow’s studio time.
Pam Goode Writes 