Staring Into Space

/ Pam Goode

This morning I knew exactly what I wanted to say. What I needed to say. It was clear and concise — a mix of horror and loss.

This afternoon, I can’t tell my front from my back. I can’t complete a sentence. I can’t remember where I was headed when I left the house. Maybe I just don’t want to remember — to lose these feelings of safety, sharing, and creativity — these days of love and laughter that held much of my life before this morning. It was a good life — filled with happiness, joy, women working together, and love.

And then this morning my husband misread the clock and accidentally trotted downstairs an hour early. I did the same an hour later and by then hell had already broken loose — at least in my house and my heart and the hearts and souls of so many. I’m accustomed to waiting and waiting and waiting for the election results, usually taking a day and a half or so. When have the polls ever been ready in less that a day??? This didn’t seem like a good omen, and it certainly wasn’t. I dropped into my chair and stared at the TV for only a few minutes, and then spent most of the day staring into nowhere, which seems appropriate.

I’ve read part of the manifesto put out by trump and friends, and yes, it scares me sh***tless. And yet somehow I put much less concern into it than I should have. Tonight, if I’m thinking clearly, I’ll delve further to acquaint myself more fully with Project 2025 and the demons that lurk when we’re not looking. I won’t make that mistake again, but is it too late?

18 thoughts on “Staring Into Space”

  1. Pam, I do believe you have cause to be concerned, you only need to harken back to 2016. Then, stupidly I assumed that since he had won the election, he would begin to act “presidential”. How wrong I was. He never stopped his name-calling, or his demeaning, childlike behavior; in fact, he ramped it up. The difference then was that he did not control the House. Although the House has not yet been called, there is a strong likelihood that it will go Red soon, and if so, there will be no roadblocks to his “2024 Revenge Tour”. Cult-like, he has hoodwinked a huge mass of the population, even though the curtain has been pulled aside and they’ve been able to see it is just a scam. At the very least, the Supreme Court will be stacked with young ultraconservative Justices, and they will reshape our rights for decades to come. As Putin’s lapdog, he will end all aid to Ukraine and the nation will likely cease to exist. Any chance at slowing global warming in some meaningful manner is likely doomed; and there is a serious threat to our National Forests and National Parks where unreasonable resource extraction is likely to become a common occurrence. When I read 1984 back in high school, I didn’t think that I would actually live it one day, but here we are. With the control of the media and the repetition of lies upon lies, there is hardly an excuse for the large population of poorly educated and easily conned “Deplorables” who lap up his every word as the God-given truth. For, while he honed his scamming skills over the course of his lifetime, simultaneously, our educational system has deteriorated (for many reasons, most of them coming from far-right agendas) and at this juncture in time it is a perfect storm whereby he can truly spread his word without any blow-back. Surely there are educated folks too who have found their savior in his agenda, but they are usually thinking solely with their billfolds and purses in mind, or they have a fixation with guns, or a latent hatred of some minority or ethnic group, or some such affliction that he has now normalized. So, yes, like you, I have been deeply disappointed by the election results, and concerned for the impacts that they will bring to bear on our lives moving forward. I do believe that you should be worried about the fate of the nation and the landscape, both physical and political, that we will be leaving to our children and their children. I know it sounds dire, and I hope I am wrong, but I do believe that there will be a significant detrimental impact on the way we live if he has free rein and can run roughshod over a system of government that has framed our national existence for centuries.

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    • Elliot, you hit every nail on the head. And agreed — I never thought I would be living 1984. I have female friends who already have passports for other countries as well as those who are working their tails off to get to that point. How naive I’ve been.

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    • Yes it sounds dire, but it also sounds 1000% spot on. And while I’m older and perhaps won’t live to see brighter days again, I can’t stand this for my children. Life has taken a horrendous turn for all of us, even for those who think everything is great. It isn’t. Not by a long shot. Hug your children deeply every day.

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    • Elliot, you hit every nail on the head. And agreed — I never thought I would be living 1984. I have female friends who already have passports for other countries as well as those who are working their tails off to get to that point. How naive I’ve been.

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      • Pam, By the way, my mom passed a few days before the election – got COVID at a large funeral gathering which then overwhelmed her immune system and allowed her Non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma to regain a foothold on her system, which subsequently took her down within a month. She was a very big Kamala supporter – to the point that she was handing out voter registration forms from her hospital room to anyone who was not yet registered. She died at home with my sister and I as her primary care givers. It was sad to say goodbye, but she was a psychologist by training, and she candidly told us that she was ready to go, she had no regrets, and she expected us to carry on without her. I know that I was extremely fortunate to have a living parent while in my 70’s, but it is still a shock to my system regardless. At any rate, I am glad that she left this world still hopeful for the future and not knowing the outcome of the election. She was a survivor for many, many years and a participant in your “We Beat Cancer” series (I don’t recall the real name – sorry!) many years ago. By the way, I tried to email/text this to you earlier, but don’t seem to have any valid contact info – they kept coming back as undeliverable. Perhaps you could forward a personal email address or phone # where I could share information of that sort. Thanks, take care, Elliot

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        • Oh no! I’m distressed to hear this, even though I didn’t know her. And a funeral gathering — how unfair is that??? She sounds like a wonderful woman, of which I have no doubt, and clearly she died doing what she loved. Few of us are that lucky, but I know it’s a huge loss for you. And boy are you right about her not knowing the outcome of the election — the distress in my heart still hasn’t stopped. Will it? I’m going to send my email separately. Let me know if you don’t receive it.

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  3. I understand your concern Pam. Many of us are. Trust me. His VP has publicly said that they (He and DT) back the plan. I think many of us are feeling the same way you’re feeling, so honey, you are not alone. But I believe God has a plan, even if the results aren’t what we expected, just hold on to your faith and hope. 🙏🏼 I’ve learned from past experiences that when someone shows you their true colors, believe them. But don’t let these results deter you from your greatness my dear! 😍💖😘

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    • Yes it sounds dire, but it also sounds 1,000 % spot on. And while I’m older and perhaps won’t live to see brighter days again, I can’t stand this for my children. Life has taken a horrendous turn for all of us — even for those who currently think everything is great. It isn’t. Not by a long shot.

      Hug your children deeply every day. Every day.

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  4. thinking of you-sharing very similar feelings-looking for ways to move forward-after the paralyzing shock wears off

    Hoping 2025 is not an option. Nothing makes sense right now.

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  5. From my listen to independent media today, trolls were posting this 2025 plan to scare people this morning. Trump already said he wasn’t interested in it. Search some sources for yourself.

    I don’t think there’s anything to worry about.

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